The seasoned adoptive parents told me there’d be times like this.
Satan hates adoption, and he fights it however he can. Sometimes the battle is through discouragement. And that’s kind of where I’m at tonight.
Over the past two weeks, it’s felt like the enemy’s been lashing out at us from many angles. The clothes dryer died, then the dishwasher — and we’re still trying to find uber-cheap replacements for both. We’ve spent this week battling a nasty stomach virus, and it triggered some other health problems I have, making for a week pretty much wasted in bed.
I had to postpone the kids’ eagerly-anticipated Halloween party to next weekend (which is so lame because now it’s going to occur after the holiday), and had to cancel working at a charity event tomorrow, which really made me feel guilty because I committed to it several months ago. We’re drowning in a weeks’ worth of laundry, clutter and various household messes and I still feel weak, exhausted and not physically up to dealing with any of it.
Oh, and because I was sick, I actually slept through the time I was supposed to Skype with Pearl.
On her birthday.
Yep, THAT’S pretty much guaranteed to win me the “Worst Mom of the Year” award.
And the adoption process itself has hit a dry spot. There is still so stinkin’ much money we need to raise. I’m waiting on a letter of reference so we can apply for some adoption grant/loan programs, waiting for the government to say we can bring her here, waiting for the money to pay the lawyer’s retainer fee.
It’s kind of like that third trimester of pregnancy. You’re past the “Oh isn’t this cute?” stage and you’re uncomfortable and just ready to move on to the next phase when you actually get to hold the child in your arms. But you know you can’t rush it, or it’s not good for you or the child. You just have to wait.
Can I just say that I’m tired of waiting?
And I know our sweet girl is, too.
We all wanted her to be here by Christmas, and that’s not going to happen. It’s looking like the earliest will be sometime in February.
I know that God knows all of this. He’s not surprised. I know that His timing is perfect, and honestly, it’s all that I’ve prayed for. I want it to unfold with His blessing, and on His schedule — not mine.
But, tonight, I’m tired. And being tired makes me wish for a big ol’ magic wand that I could just wave over everything and make it all better….